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  • A friend of ours from work invited Brandi and I to a divey sports bar he haunts to help him celebrate his 47th birthday. We found ourselves at a table in place we had never been with a of a handful of his friends who we had never met.

    A sampling of some of the conversation around the table:

    Big guy: "You know, they paid some of those people to gain all that weight for that reality show."

    Tispy lady: "Here's to you, here's to me! May we never disagree! But if we do disagree, then...I'm not going to say it. Cuz I'm a good person. I cook good frozen food! I grow my own okra!"

    Man smoking pipe: "It's cheaper than cigarettes."
    Big guy: "You know what's even cheaper? Not smoking."
    Man smoking pipe: "But you're not killing yourself if you're not smoking."

    My friend: "I wish they'd play this song...it goes 'I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my ass.'"

    Big guy: "You know what we're living for? TO DIE!"
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