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  • I must
    have passed out
    sometime around 3am
    with all of the windows left wide open
    and the tv on playing some inane
    R rated skin tease
    showing the usual sweating cleavage
    and steamy damp bulges,
    but
    none of the real flesh,
    the stuff everybody hopes to see,
    but just doesn't
    in these kinds of pictures.
    .
    anyway...
    .
    I had
    taken a couple
    of strong pain killers
    for my lousy god-forsaken bad back
    and must've sucked dry a few cans of beer
    and
    pretty much didn't care one way or another
    about locking up the place
    like a normal person.
    the evening started early at getting slanted
    toward the red side of hell,
    so I figured
    in order to exit the world,
    I'd have to just let go
    and leave it all until tomorrow.
    .
    I'm
    not too sure
    how long it took me to fall asleep
    before having a rather peculiar dream.
    .
    but...
    .
    there
    I was...
    lost in this huge desert,
    my body searing like a fever blister,
    my soul seemingly floating through
    drifting sand dunes.
    all around me.
    as far as my eyes could see
    was simply nowhere.
    driven by thirst
    and justified by insanity,
    I walked on and on
    through this nowhere place.
    .
    eventually
    I stumbled upon
    a soft drink machine.
    the thing was just sitting there
    upright on the sandy floor.
    for some reason it didn't matter to me
    how it got there
    or
    who the fuck had to service this route,
    or even why.
    but
    I was thirsty
    and quickly dug out seven quarters
    from my pocket.
    to my consternation,
    I soon discovered
    that the drinks cost two dollars.
    I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere
    and I'm short a goddamn quarter!
    story of my life.
    some things never seem to change,
    I thought.
    but little did I know
    that I would soon be proven otherwise.
    .
    I kicked
    the machine
    out of frustration.
    almost immediately it started chugging.
    and then beyond any explanation,
    it started changing shape,
    ultimately turning into a form
    resembling a woman.
    .
    a big
    metal woman
    at that!
    .
    but
    she was
    remarkably beautiful I figured,
    for a soft drink machine.
    sort of like a robot.
    she had a great body
    with long metal legs and a nice metal butt
    and some rather large metal breasts
    with the word COKE tattooed
    on her right breast
    and PEPSI on her left.
    .
    I got
    caught up
    staring at her in awe
    for what seemed like hours.
    I kept staring at her
    until her metal skin became like flesh,
    whereupon she smiled
    quite mischievously.
    .
    "have you any water?"
    I asked her.
    .
    "the question is..."
    she replied
    kind of smugly,
    "do you have any idea?"
    .
    I simply
    gazed at her,
    looking I'm sure
    rather nonplussed.
    I didn't know what she meant.
    .
    she smiled until I smiled
    and then she said,
    "do you have any idea
    how much that hurt
    when you kicked me?"
    .
    "you were just
    a soda machine when I kicked you,"
    I told her.
    .
    "but it was ME nonetheless,"
    she snapped back.
    .
    "I didn't know any better,"
    I answered her.
    .
    "that's what everyone says,"
    she furiously told me.
    "what's with you people?
    it's time to teach you a lesson,"
    whereupon she pulled out
    a rusty pair of pliers.
    .
    something
    was quite disturbing
    and
    I immediately took off running
    and ran and ran through this wasteland...
    .
    and
    ran some more
    until I looked over my shoulder
    and could no longer see her.
    no doubt I lost her.
    but
    now suddenly
    I found a garden rake in my hands
    and I just stood still wondering how
    it got there.
    .
    I soon
    realized that
    I was no longer in the desert.
    instead I was stuck inside a laundromat
    with all of these Asian people
    who grinned and laughed
    and took pictures of me
    .
    while
    just outside
    I could see a UFO landing
    and soon an alien being debarked,
    soon grabbing and dragging my protesting ass
    into the spacecraft.
    I took a quick look and sure enough
    it was the Big Metal Woman,
    her big metal teeth
    sparkling in the sunshine.
    .
    "now you're gonna learn something,"
    she said
    in a nasty tone
    while thrusting her pliers toward me
    and pinching the lobe of one of my ears.
    .
    "OUCH!"
    was all I could say.
    .
    and
    within nanoseconds
    I was hurled into outer space
    while looking down at the earth.
    for some damn reason
    my eyes settled on a certain part
    of the planet
    as the UFO maneuvered and returned,
    getting closer and closer.
    strangely enough,
    I could see myself standing by
    the side garden of my house
    as I was letting out
    my two dogs.
    .
    I blinked,
    and before I knew it,
    I was back inside of my own body
    while looking up at the nighttime sky
    and watching the UFO zoom away
    until it disappeared.
    .
    I just
    stood there
    kind of dumbfounded
    with enough good questions
    stuck right inside of my mouth.
    did I sleepwalk?
    or was it all just a dream?
    .
    or
    did something
    else actually happen?
    .
    I had
    no answers.
    I just didn't know.
    yet I felt fine
    and
    whistled to the dogs
    to finish off their business
    and come back inside with me.
    .
    big metal woman,
    I thought.
    .
    I just
    couldn't
    get her off
    of my mind,
    as I grabbed a couple of books
    from a shelf:
    one of them was
    the Collected Works of Freud
    and the other was something by Carl Jung.
    I figured between the two of them
    I might find an answer
    .
    that is,
    if they both
    didn't put me back to sleep
    first.
    .
    .
    ~~~~~~~~
    .
    .
    (c)2015 Miles Ciletti
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