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  • I struggle with my everyday. I fight with words. I cower from unfamiliar experiences . I am inexplicably afraid of what I am to become. I understand why you said what you did. I thought that maybe you didn't mean it. You couldn't possibly have said it. But you did. You were very wrong.

    My depression is real. It is real every day. I wake up and sometimes it's not there. I wait around all morning to find it and when it comes, I wish I hadn't waited. I wish I didn't waste the time we had apart. I wish that it hadn't found its way back. That the feeling when I woke up would be the feeling I had all day. The weight lifted off my chest.

    I wish it wasn't so prominent. I wish I didn't have to say anything about it, but that's not fair to you. You shouldn't be able to love someone who keeps something this big a part of them a secret. But here I sit, a knot in my throat, trying to breathe like its a normal day.

    To a lot of other people, today is just a normal day. They have things to check off their to-do lists. They go out with people, no worries around them.

    I don't want this depression. I don't want any excuses. I want to be. I feel like I blame my depression for all my problems, and it could be, but there is no way of knowing. I just want to know if it is me. If I am the problem.
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