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  • Let's face it ...
    Sometimes aging just sucks.
    Maybe not for some people.
    Some people are young at heart.

    (Musical notes)
    Fairy tales, can come true,
    it can happen to you,
    if you're young at heart
    (musical notes)
    Frank Sinatra and Doris Day.

    Me - I'm just tired.
    I look tired.
    I'm showing my age.
    Not just physically,
    but attitude wise.
    I just don't give
    a flying leap half of the time.
    I work with a lot of young people.
    "Rah, rah, sis-boom/bah!"
    I think,
    "Been there, done that,
    la de da, .... la de da."

    I'm like Woody Allen,
    living little fantasy plays
    in my mind.
    Not even very interesting ones,
    but perhaps sadly funny.

    I imagine myself divorced (relief)
    as a little grey haired lady
    living in a low income apartment,
    (downsized) watching westerns all day, Gunsmoke repeats.
    Did you ever notice
    how they show James Arness'
    butt in the opening?
    He has a cute butt!

    In my fantasy
    I eat what I want
    - a mayonaise sandwhich
    with avocado slices
    with crunchy cheetos
    (on the side).
    At five I have a martini
    (I've never had a martini
    in my life!
    - shaken or stirred).

    In my fantasy
    I am a recluse -
    I suddenly don't have to worry
    about smiling or saying clever
    things or listening to people's
    sad stories as my eyes cross
    and my mind says,
    "How do people screw up their lives so much and do I care?"
    (And knowing
    I've been working too long).
    Wanting to be retired
    and thinking I'll be working
    til I'm 90 in my present
    financial situation
    (hint: if your spouse has ADHD don't let them handle your finances. If not true for you - bully for you! But its too true for too many people)

    And what was I thinking
    adopting a baby in my 40's?
    Don't get me wrong!
    I love him more than life itself
    but really -
    fights about homework?
    - it's too exhausting!
    Then my husband tells
    some complete stranger
    that I push our son too much.
    (I ask for C's)

    Or is it you want him to be a
    "Do nothing like yourself
    so you don't have to feel like a failure."
    My husband's high school counselor said he expected
    he would go to jail.
    Yah, that's real encouragement! That's how you help
    someone to succeed!

    Tell me -
    Why is it that mothers
    always get to be the bad guys
    ... until the Academy Awards,
    "I'd like to thank my mother who always pushed me to be my best!"
    Applause, applause.

    Just hope I'm still alive
    when my son gets to
    the Academy Awards.
    It will be like,
    "I'd like to thank my mother
    (actor looks wistfully upwards with tears in eyes)
    where ever she is, ... for always encouraging me to be my best."
    Aw, how sweet.
    All the stress paid off.
    Excuse me.
    Did I hear a mention of dad
    at the Academy Awards?
    Point made.

    My memory has been
    slipping too.
    Not that stress
    and working 12 hour days
    couldn't have something
    to do with that.
    But when you're older
    people don't
    make those allowances.
    At staff meeting this week
    some 30 something comes up to me and shows me how to use the calendar on my tablet.
    Did I ask her? No.
    Do I already know how to use it? Yes. But young people assume old people aren't tech savy.
    Never been one of my issues.

    Anyway, yes,
    I have made a few mistakes recently. Maybe I'm not as sharp.
    Maybe I have lost some edge.
    Maybe I don't give a damn.
    Maybe I'm tired.
    Maybe I deserve a rest
    I'm not getting.
    Just maybe.

    The whales of March
    Have swam past the point
    And I am gazing out
    And wondering
    what the view will be
    next year.
    And if I will give a damn.

    But there is always Matt Dillon
    And in my Woody Allen fantasy world
    That just might be enough
    To get me by.
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