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  • I am only going to write this once then I'll be done. I will close the door and never look back. This is hard for me. I've tried several times, but I just can't. I cry. I shake. I lose my mind. My brains pulses; it hurts.

    This is the goodbye I'll never get to say.

    I entered this game naive and hopeful. The stinging of being left behind in other games had started to dissipate. I was hopeful and ready for a fresh start.
    And then you found us.
    You were what we had hoped for. You preached individuality and embraced as a family. Instantly, I was right at home. We talked about you when we were offline. We were happy. Ecstatic. Elated. Overjoyed. We were home.

    And how did I get here to where I am now? It was mostly "behind the curtain" work. Work that none of you probably know that we did and the ones that do, probably don't care. We lied and covered up things for the better of you. We did things we didn't want to do, taught when we didn't have the capacity to, and gave up personal time to keep you together. And after all that we gave, what did we get? Hurt feelings. Shoved in a corner. Turned on. Ignored. Dropped to the side like an asset that had been used and had outlived it's usefulness.

    We watched our friends stop logging in, and with that, the integrity fell. Your morals changed. We got tired of lying. Of covering tracks. Mending wounds. Holding things together.

    I'm not blaming you for this. Dynamics change. People change. We change.

    I am just regretful that I leave on terms like this. Where I'm scared to log-in and when I do, I hide my face and pretend not to exist. Where I'm scared to get in and say hello and hear the voices that I've grown to know all because I don't feel safe anymore. In a place comprised of pixels on a computer screen, all we have is our word. Our honor. Our integrity. And I'm scared that even that has been taken from me.

    So I hide my head, try not to cry, and count my days. I avoid the website because I shake every time I look at it. I log-in on off hours to avoid talking. I count my days until I don't have to feel this way anymore.

    I wish you the best as you move forward.
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