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  • Q: "Do you lead an interesting life?"

    Hmmm – let me think about that. Yes, I would say that I do – my life is pretty interesting. At least, it is to me.

    Q: "So, tell me about your day today."

    Oh, today was just a typical Sunday, nothing out of the ordinary.

    Q:" Go on - tell me about it."

    O.K. Well, I got up when I normally do on Sunday morning– 5:00 a.m.

    Q: "On a Sunday?"

    Sure – I get up at 4:00 on weekdays, so on Saturdays and Sundays I “sleep in” until 5:00 or 5:30. I love that extra hour or so of sleep those days.

    Q: "Freak".

    Thank you! Anyway, I got up, and wrote another chapter of my current story line. I’m writing about my early job experiences.

    Q: "Oh, you mean like, that first job out of college kind of thing?"

    What? No – I couldn’t write that story, because I never graduated from college.
  • Q: "You didn’t? But, you have a job that most people have advanced degrees for. How did you….? Oh, never mind that. So, when was your first job? Out of high school?"

    No,my first paid job was when I was 5.

    Q: "Now you’re fucking with me."

    No, really – I delivered newspapers in the morning for one of my older brothers, and got a quarter a day for my labors. That’s where I developed the habit of getting up early. By age 8, I had my own paper route making $15 a week. Then at 9, I started moonlighting in a bakery, making 50 cents an hour, 20 hours a week - so that was another ten bucks a week. I was rolling in it!

    Q: "Cheez, with all that experience early on, who needed college?"

    Exactly! So, anyway, the current story series involves my first jobs where there was a paycheck and a time clock involved.

    Q: "Where was that?"

    An Italian Restaurant.

    Q: "Oh, cool! I’ll bet you learned a lot there."

    I did. And then I participated in a mass walkout, and quit.

    Q: "Get out! Why’d you do that?"

    I wish I knew. Young and stupid, I guess.

    Q: "What did you do next?"

    Got a job as a Grill Chef.

    Q: "How did that work out?"

    I walked out.

    Q: "Sounds like a disturbing pattern developing. You say, this work experience helped you get where you are, without a college degree?"

    School of hard knocks. It was a pattern, though. I also walked out of the crowd I’d been friends with at school for 5 years. Just walked. I got to be pretty good at walking. I still walk a lot.
  • Q: "O.K., so you wrote about old jobs when you got up at 5:00, and about walking out. What else did you do today?"

    I went out and picked up twelve hundred pounds of food donations from four supermarkets out in Loudon County, and brought it all back to the Food Bank warehouse, and put it all away. I did that for about five hours.

    Q: "Is that something you do once a month?"

    Every week. That’s my Sunday morning gig. Next Sunday, I’ll go over the 40,000 pound mark – I’ll have picked up that much food over the past year and a couple of months doing it.

    Q: "That’s a lot of food! How did you get into doing that?"

    I got furloughed from my federal job, and needed something to do with myself. I started doing that, and found I liked doing it. So, when they brought us back to work, I kept doing that on Sundays. All of that food would have gotten thrown away, had I not volunteered to pick it up. It all goes to families who really need it.

    Q: "Awesome! What else did you do?"

    Went to a hockey game in D.C.

    Q: "How was the game?"

    The game kind of sucked. Our team lost to a team they shoulda beat. But, I had a great time.

    Q: "Oh, yeah?"

    Yeah. During the second period, my wife talked me into going all the way down to the first level – our seats are up on the 4th level – to get her a cup of tea. When I got down there, a beautiful babe scantily dressed in red approached me in the main concourse.

    Q: "This is getting interesting!"

    She asked me how well I knew my hockey trivia. I told her I’d been a season ticket holder for 13 years (notice how I didn’t directly answer her question?). She said, “Oh, good, come with me.” Now, I am happily married and all, but when a beautiful babe scantily clad in red asks me to go with her, I don’t know – something just kicks in, and I go. There's really no thought involved. I’m kind of defenseless to that kind of an approach. Don’t tell them this if you ever get questioned for my security clearance, o.k.?

    Q: "Are you making this part up?"

    No - go ahead, hook me up to a Polygraph, this happened just the way I'm telling you it did. Seriously, she took me to this place, where there were other babes scantily clad in red, and she said we had to just wait there for a little while. After about 20 minutes, just hanging out there with these beautiful, young babes in red, me getting to know them and them getting to know me, I texted my wife and told her I’d been kidnapped, but that I was o.k. I told her to pay attention.

    Q: "Pay attention? You mean like, for a ransom note or something?"

    No, at the end of the period, I was asked a hockey trivia question by one of the babes, and we were up on the big jumbotron, live, in front of 18,000 hockey fans.

    Q: "Did you win anything?"

    Yes! I won an Alex Ovechkin autographed hockey puck and a $50 gift card."

    Q: "So, you got the answers right?"

    No, I completely blew it. I only got one out of three correct.

    Q:"So, how’d you win the puck and gift card?"

    Personal charm, I guess. I must have made quite an impression on the Red Rockers. After that, they let me go.
  • Q: "Did you get their numbers?"

    I’m married!

    Q: "No, not for you. I meant, for me!"

    YOU'RE married!

    Q: "Oh, yeah – I almost forgot."

    So, what did you think of my day?

    Q: "I think – I think – you DO lead an interesting life."

    Yeah, I guess you're right - I do!

    Q: "You're a very lucky guy"

    I am!
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