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  • You know when your best friend is your worst enemy? You know when your strive for perfection is what makes you like yourself and your work, but also, hate what you do and in the end – crash?

    I'm a Virgo. I don't put my life in the hands of the stars, but I do read horoscopes and when in need, I let them guide me. I do have a tattoo of my star sign, hidden on my body. As a reminder that I am me and I'm the only one who counts. I'm the one I should take care of, because I am all that I have. Let's just say that I've forgotten this. Again.

    Virgos are perfectionists. They have a hard time letting their emotions run free. Some see them as cold creatures. Check, check and check. I don't know for sure for that last one, guess it's not up to me. But people do have a hard time understanding why I just can't get out and go on a date or admit that I do, too, fall for people around me. But I just can't. It's a game too risky for the one who cannot stand to fail.

    Not only do I have characteristics of a Virgo, even my name is supposed to stand for someone who is well organized and faithful. I am made to be someone who will do her best, do as she is told. But who tells me what's right and what's perfect? I am.

    The photo is of a piece I read in a Washington Post. Could it have been sometime in spring 2012? At that point, I liked it. I tore it out and put it in my wallet. It's still there. I thought of it as a reminder that I should never settle, that I should know that I can always do a little bit more. Be a little bit better. Be perfect and beyond.

    So I did. I do. And I crashed.

    I try to be my best friend and please myself with hard work and good results. And yes, I have made it to my top, every now and then. But what I've learned, is that it has a price. I turned into my worst enemy and pushed myself off the edge. I have cried over a broken heart before, but I've never been as hurt, as this time, when I've let myself down.

    My strive for perfection is what keeps me going. But it's also what makes me crash.
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