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  • ...and at work, a lull right now with my list of patients for next week's mitochondrial enzyme assays printed and a visit to the -80 C freezer upcoming to collect muscle, put off for the moment as it takes the warmth right out of your hands to dip into that cavern of ice and metal and hunt through boxes filled with blocks of mounted tissue and aluminum foil wrapped extras, each a red chunk of steak that once was part of person's leg or arm, human flesh just like a cow or lamb's, a reminder of the animal we are and so often lose sight of.

    ...and drifting into memories of the past, a red velvet bar, dim and womblike, the Guvner's Bar, Richmond, when I lived nearby and was in the deepest midst of the psychotherapy that pulled me out of the blackness and at least into the gray, if not quite into the light. The bar was always near deserted, patrons lured into the adjacent disco dance halls, but with its ancient jukebox and tunes from a decade prior it held me as I dropped coins to hear the Stones' "Play With Fire" and sank back into the crimson seat, sipping on bitter beer bloody with the pallid light, and thoughts of no future at all let alone decades hence dipping into an icy freezer.

    ...and I wonder at how little I knew and at how little I imagined and at how will, luck and fate pulled me so far.
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