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  • I thought of you tonight. I wanted to call, teary eyed and ask you to help me know what to do when I can’t call you anytime I want to anymore. And then I realized… it’s already here.

    You are slowly leaving.

    You are napping just now in another city. The nap of the exhausted. At a time of day when you never used to nap.

    It’s all what used to be and what is now. The demarcation line. Exists. Gets deeper every day.

    I wrap my hands around my face. Hold my head. There is no one else here to do that.

    Weeping does nothing.

    There was a time when I so fervently wanted to be the master of my time. To have no one tugging at my apron strings. To go into a closet to write if I felt like it. To close the bathroom door without small hands knocking.

    I fought for it. I got it.

    And then you entered. You too left me alone most of the time. No demands on my time, much. No sharing of a life, much.

    All this time to write and no writing much.

    I want someone to talk to. To hold my head. I want to be that person for you.

    You who needs no one, much.

    You who will leave me as lonely as you found me. As lonely as I was with you.

    Me who thought loneliness was what I wanted.

    Such a foolish girl.
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