I thought of you tonight. I wanted to call, teary eyed and ask you to help me know what to do when I can’t call you anytime I want to anymore. And then I realized… it’s already here.
You are slowly leaving.
You are napping just now in another city. The nap of the exhausted. At a time of day when you never used to nap.
It’s all what used to be and what is now. The demarcation line. Exists. Gets deeper every day.
I wrap my hands around my face. Hold my head. There is no one else here to do that.
Weeping does nothing.
There was a time when I so fervently wanted to be the master of my time. To have no one tugging at my apron strings. To go into a closet to write if I felt like it. To close the bathroom door without small hands knocking.
I fought for it. I got it.
And then you entered. You too left me alone most of the time. No demands on my time, much. No sharing of a life, much.
All this time to write and no writing much.
I want someone to talk to. To hold my head. I want to be that person for you.
You who needs no one, much.
You who will leave me as lonely as you found me. As lonely as I was with you.
Me who thought loneliness was what I wanted.
Such a foolish girl.