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  • I spent today doing one of the hardest things there is for me to do – nothing. I spent the entire day doing nothing. I was going to telework – work from home – but the big boss told me to just take a sick day and take care of myself. Kathy went back up to Pennsylvania to deal with her mom, so I’m on my own. It’s been a long day of doing nothing. I used to be better at doing nothing, but I’m afraid I’ve fallen out of practice. I thought of a few things I could be doing, but I refrained from doing them. I’m supposed to be doing nothing today, so that’s what I’ve done. It took a lot of effort for me to do nothing. It actually wore me out. I’m exhausted from all of this nothing doing.

    If I am up to it by tomorrow, I’ll be going back up to Pennsylvania with my son to help move her mom, again. For the third time in the past year. This time, it’s just from the independent care side of the facility she’s in, to the assisted living side, and moving what doesn’t fit into storage. I won’t do it if I’m not up to it. I'm supposed to be taking it easy. The last two trips up there got me sick, both times. Right now, I can’t tell whether I'll be up to it or not. My head is so filled with nothing, I don’t feel like I can gauge how I really feel. My gauge works a lot better when I’m doing something. I know my wife wouldn't have asked if she didn't really need me, so I will probably do it, because she asked. That's just how I roll. Not being there for her is not an option in my life. I hate to let her down.

    I’m to the point where I could just go to bed, but I just can’t do it. I just can’t let this day go down as a complete nothing. I have to do something. I’m patting myself on the back for making it this far, but that’s it – it's time to leave something to show for this day.
  • I’m going to start my list of intentions for 2015. I’m 2 days late, but I'm letting myself off the hook for that. I had good reasons. In no particular order, here are my intentions for 2015:

    Live

    Love

    Give

    Be open to receive

    Breathe

    Hydrate -hydrate - hydrate...and then, hydrate some more.

    Exercise every day

    Eat only enough – stop when full

    Be kind – no matter what. Make the effort. especially when it’s hard to be.

    Be ready to move into something completely new, at any given moment.

    Be as supportive as I can be, whenever I can, whenever someone reaches out.

    Ditto, even when someone doesn’t reach out, but I can see the need. Whenever possible, don’t get caught.

    Be.

    Laugh more.

    Judge less.

    Dance.

    Sing.

    Focus on solutions.

    Keep writing daily.
  • That’s my list. I retain the right to add to it, whenever I feel like it. It’s my list. I can burn it, and start a whole new one if I want. But I won't. I like it. After all, I made it from nothing.

    These are not resolutions. I don’t do them. I do intentions.

    I thank the universe, in advance, for providing all of the opportunities to complete everything on this list. I also thank it for providing me the vision to see the opportunities when they present themselves to me - and for whacking me upside the head with a 2 X 4 when I don't see them.

    It’s a wonderful life. I’m lucky to be here. I especially appreciate all who share it with me. For a guy who once could spend months on end doing nothing, like I did today, only because there was absolutely nothing to do, because he didn’t have a clue how to connect with life, with others, or with himself, even – especially with himself – I am unbelievably grateful for all the riches of the universe that bless my life each day.

    That’s it. Now, let me get back to nothing.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Photos by David Marcu, Kyle Richner & Dorothee Hubner, respectively, courtesy of https://unsplash.com/
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