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  • Tis the season for gifting animals, which is a horrible idea, don't do it. All of us who rescued our dogs from the shelter have said this because we will tell you to adopt them instead. However, when you get a shelter dog its not quite WYSIWYG, these dogs are a box of chocolates instead.

    Years after I adopted Monty, I found out that the shelter where he stayed shut down and the people running it were charged with animal cruelty. It was more negligence than abuse, but its just a different side of the same coin. Monty was not exactly as promised or as the photo. He was skinny, scared, had fleas and kennel cough. They had lots of excuses but no real explanations and at the time, I figured that the dogs were lucky enough to run around together on a farm, perhaps its natural they get dirty and get fleas. Then, the behavioral issues reared their nasty head.

    Overall, having Monty has been the most rewarding experience of my life and having him makes me understand why people insist on having children, even with all the struggles. I still don't want those, but I do understand. However, if I were to put up an adoption ad for Monty today, it would go something like this:


    Adorable and loving funny looking mutt needs a home! Hates baths, hates crates, hates stairs, hates elevators, hates cars, hates dry food, hates big dogs. Loves chewing on all the things. Allergic to chicken, grain and cheap food. Messy eater. Will require frequent wiping of face beard. Loves peanut butter, seafood and turkey bacon.

    Won't let you brush his teeth or cut his nails, will throw a shit fit at the groomers. Spending lots of money at the groomers will still result in a permanently homeless looking dog. We are calling the look "permashelter" as Monty will looks like a shelter dog even after he's adopted.

    Serious attachment issues. Belly rub whore. Very needy, in constant need of attention. Will beat you with his paw until he has the quantity of attention he desires. Sheds like a husky. Only barks indoors. Rarely licks but loves hugs. Likes people more than dogs. Paws smell like Doritos. Butt smells like fish sometimes and will need draining at the vet. Overall, not a stinky dog though.

    Sensitive skin in need of natural oatmeal shampoo. Requires sweaters in the winter which cost more than human sweaters. Is house broken and will hold it in for as long as he needs to avoid going outside. Hates walks, prefers couch. Will not walk in the rain or snow but will let you dress him up in a rain coat provided snacks are to follow. Needs constant snacks at home to prevent chewing the couch.

    Does not like noise or sudden movements. Will hide if something falls or moves too fast. Loses his damn mind over squirrels and will try to climb trees after them even though he hates heights. Prefers to not be picked up and only lets few people do it. Will steal your flip flops. Will steal your heart.

    Will be the love of your life.


    Week 30 of 52 - Stories in 2014 and 2015

    PS: This post is inspired by a shelter which posted an honest ad for a chihuahua,,20883111,00.html
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