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  • Our story
    I’m on time today at school, so like every day, I pass through the metal detectors, climb 4 flights of stairs to breakfast, and then go off to 7 hours of public education. Running my hand through my hair, I open the door. Miss Pulaski greets me with a sincere smile that hides some deeply rooted pain.” Hey, Jason! “ “Hey, miss Pulaski” I flash back at her. I take my seat; not knowingly, I watch the door. Joe, Tracy, Betty, Veronica… Oh, Veronica. She walks in with all the swagger that is her own. “Hey, Vero “ I smile at her. “Hi, baby!” She beams back at me. It’s enough for others but I see her smiles don’t last very long. She seems to struggle to hold that curve in her big, dark pink lips. “How are you, mami?” I ask “Do you really have to ask?” She sits down next to me; she kisses my lips and bites a little. I stare off to the distance… My heart breaks. Memories that aren’t mine come hazily to me. I see a figure balled up on a bed… A man turns off the lights and walks out. “The lights are off. The lights are off” a little girl’s voice whimpers. She feels dirty, disgusting, like a sweaty gym sock… I slam my fists on the desk and curse. A dark fire builds in my heart and spreads through me. This feeling is all too familiar to me. I feel worry, anger, anxiety, and confusion. “What’s wrong?” A sweet voice pulls me back to earth. Veronica is staring at me with these big eyes… A perfect shade of brown. She won’t believe me when I tell her that but she knows nothing is ever perfect. “No, nothing’s wrong mami. Don’t worry.” “Are you sure?” The fire dies. “Yess. I’m fine. Thanks.” She cares a lot and I’m honored to be the one who holds her heart. She is right though. Nothing is ever perfect. She’s changed my life by simply being my friend. Kind of like a novella, our love came unexpectedly.
    I saw her on the first day of sophomore year. I noticed her because of her blonde hair, white skin, and height. “Ey, look at that girl!” My friend Benny said while elbowing me. “Yeah I see her. She’s cute” “She’s your height. you should go talk to her.” “I will. Just wait until lunch. “The first 2 class periods crawled by so slow. Until the 3rd bell for lunch. I eat my chicken patty and look at that girl. She doesn’t smile much. “alright go ahead. Go talk to her.” Benny said to me. Behind him are Maria and Latonya. ”I am” I stood up and walked over to her table. Benny followed me as well as the two other girls. I took a seat next to her and introduced myself. “Hi, I’m Jason. Welcome to Tilden.” “Umm. Hi” She says to me and turns back. “Well, I just wanted to introduce myself and to welcome you to our shitty school” She smiles “Thanks” She seems nervous. Then I notice Benny, Veronica, and Latonya are all behind me looking at us as if they were watching an circus. Gosh... I write, “This awkward” on a napkin. “Yes. It is.” She replies back in writing. I get up and leave her alone. I message her on a social website. “I’m sorry If I made you feel uncomfortable that other day :/” “oh, no it’s fine don’t worry. You were the most respectful guy that talked to me anyways n.n” We messaged about general stuff. Stuff like homework. How the day was going... I felt like I annoyed her. I told her I have to go and then never saw talked or messaged again for about two months. During those two months I heard many rumors about her but I never really cared. I was also in some bad steps. I was going to be involved in some business in the entrepeuring department. I was gonna sell drugs is what I mean to say. Shortly after the two months we didn't talk I decided to see how she was doing. So I messaged her. "Hey" "Hi u.u" "What's wrong Veronica?" "It's not worth your time, and besides what do you care?" "I got time. Who knows I may be able to help out a little bit." "fine u.u you see I've been going out with Dion for 4 months and well he is nothing Like I thought he was." "what happened?'' "look..." She sends me a screenshot of texts messages. The messages read, "... what are you trying to say Dion?'' "that it's over! I'm done. I don't want to be with you anymore. I only want one girl and it is certainly not you." "How can you say that?! I've been with you through so much shit! Shit that you put me through! I stayed loyal and now you don't need me?!" "yeah. Bye" After I'm done reading I type,"Wow. What a fucking asshole!" "I know he is" She responds "I can't believe I wasted 4 months on him. He put me through so much! He was a jealous guy. He told me who I can and can't talk to. When he gets mad he will just ignore me for a few days and come back as if nothing happened" "You know what... Don't even waste another moment crying on this guy. Aperantly you gave your all to him and he just gave it away for some easy booty" "yeah! Aperantly that's all he wanted -.- . When he saw I wouldn't give him any so easy he just left." "you know, don't even waste another moment crying for this guy. He doesn't deserve even your tears. I see you were the girl that would stay by him no matter what, and you did stay no matter what he did. The fact that he would just throw it all away for some fast girl just shows the type of guy he is." "you're right" "Look I know it is gonna be hard to forget him. And if he would just forget about a girl who is worth it; then I guess You can forget a guy who is not" "OMG... Your words..." "No don't worry. I am happy to help. I don't like it when girls cry" After that conversation Veronica and I started to message more and more. She started to trust me because she would tell me stories of her life. She confided in me how her father almost killed her while he was drunk driving. She told me how her brother, who meant the world to her, died in a car accident after he promised to come back from the party he was going to. She told me of how Juan ,her stepfather raped her when she was eight. How she told her mother and she didn't do anything. So she lived with her rapist for the next seven years. She's told me her love stories. She seemed to always come out losing. In almost every story she fell deeply in love but ended up hurt. She was ready to give up on love. I always thought she was too good for me so I never tried to hit on her. I simply helped her with my words whenever she needed them. I was happy to help, I am a listener. One day I realized I've been thinking about her a lot lately. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her face. I then realized that this is the perfect girl for me. This girl was loyal, She was goofy, and this girl knows how to love. She has just never found the right person. I wasn't gonna beat around the bush. Intended to tell her everything. Tell her how she made me feel, How I know she is the right girl for me and I am the right guy to love her. She seemed flattered but seemed to hold something back. “what would you say if I told you I'm falling in love with you?" "I would believe you. You are a very honest guy...but." "But what?" "I'm sorry Jason. I can't be with you" "why? I mean I know your stories. You know mine. I know that I am the one to say 'I love you' and actually mean it." "I just don't want to be hurt anymore. I give up." "No... Please don't give up. Not on me." "look I need to go." "Okay u.u" The next day I messaged her again. "Hey." "Hi, Jason" "Have you thought about what I told?" "look Jason... I know you are a very nice guy and well I know you can make a girl happy. But you won't be able to make me happy" "how do you know that?" "because... u.u Dion came back the day before and he came begging for me to give us another chance. He apologized and said how much of an idiot he is for leaving me again. He brought up the past. The way we met. Our first kiss in the rain. I couldn't say no." "I understand u.u he beat me to it." "I'm sorry." "don't be. You just love him." "we can be friends though. Like we once were." "Sure. I'd like that..."
    I hated that! I tried to keep my feelings under control but I just could not. The perfect girl for me is with an undeserving guy who has hurt her too much already. I just know he will hurt her again. Then she will truly give up. I kept on messaging her. I wanted to make her understand that if he hurt her before he would do it again. I seemed to be getting to her but I also knew how much he meant to her. I did all I could for her. I even went as far as to have the school gym opened for me so I could read her a poem she asked me to write for her. In the poem I expressed some of my feelings for her, my respect for her... I told her to stop taking pills, to stop cutting herself, to eat more as she rarely did. She told me the words were beautiful. That no one had taken the time to write something like that... That... she wanted to kiss me. But she didn't because she was still Dion's girl. I told her I would not give up on her. That I will keep on fighting for her heart and no one will stop me. Everyone who knew my feelings for her told me I would never get her. Her own cousin told me to give up and I almost did. But a whole weekend without any contact with her was enough to have me biting my nails wanting to know how she was doing. So I messaged her again. "Hey." "Hey." "how are you doing Veronica?" "Bad" "why is that?" "look" She sent me a screenshot. The picture simply read: "I'm gone for real this time. I don't need you" "I know you dont... You never needed me!!" I was confused, as I did not want to take advantage of her vulnerability; meanwhile, a part of me is screaming "GET HER NOW! SHE IS SINGLE NOW. SHE WILL BE YOURS!" I typed, "So what are you going to do now?" "Try to move on. I was so stupid! You were right. He was bound to hurt me again." "I won't" "Jason... please. I need time." "If it means that I will one day be your man... sure. take all the time you need." "thanks." "no problem" That night I stood up thinking about what to do next. "just give her time. She will realize her true love is you" I tell myself. "But what if she doesn't? She may actually give up and all my efforts and illusions will be destroyed" "Don't falter. Show her you actually do want to be with her by waiting." I fell asleep. I dream I was chasing a horizon. That dream worried me... Days passed and I became more and more anxious Until I couldn't take it anymore. I waited until lunch one day so that I can ask her out. She went to the gym with her friends so I followed. She sat alone and I approached her. "Hey Veronica" "Hi" "How you been?" she looks at me and I understand... She's not at all okay. Another rumor has been spreading about her but I could care less. I know what is true. "have you given any thought of what I've asked you?" "I have." "well?" "I don't know... I'm so confused." I listen "I really thought Dion was the one. But now he says he doesn't love me anymore. After I stood by him through everything. I just don't want to be hurt anymore" "I won't" How can you be so sure?" "because I know what love is. It is something that goes beyond looks, words, and sex. When that love leaves all you are left with is a chasm deep in you that you think that can be filled with liquor, drugs, and no thing else. You drown in your tears because you cannot let them out because sometimes we cannot afford to look weak, for someone might try to take advantage of you. I've lost a love. I will never get her back. Although I moved on I won't forget the lesson she taught me." What was it?" "to never take a woman for granted. Appreciate all that she does because she could do it for another man but she chooses to be with you. Treasure that woman." "I just need to get over him." "will you?" "It will be hard but I know you can." "I see... well then I'll leave you in peace" "Thanks."
    A week or so later, I get a message. I'm dreaming! I must be! The message read, "It's over. I'm done. I saw Dion on last time and he tried to kiss me. His lips touched mine and I wanted to be with him again. Maybe we can move and he will change. I was close to taking him back until one of my guy friends told me that Dion cheated on me with his own girlfriend's sister. I felt disgusted by Dion name. I realized he does not love me. Maybe he once did but not anymore and I do not want to find out if he does." "so what are you saying?" "That I'm sorry." "for what" "for hurting you. I know how much you want to be with me and I just made you wait because I stubbornly wanted to believe Dion loved me. I can't believe it took me so long to realize that the man who really loves me is you. No guy has ever done what you have for me. You told me once you didn't want to share a place in my heart. And that is how it is going to be. You will have 100%" "Honestly... I doubt that a little" "oh. well then never mind!" "No please! look I'm sorry but try to understand me. I waited to be with you for so long. Everyone told me you will never be with me and I almost believe them. But for some reason I kept on trying. Then all of a sudden you tell me you will love me 100%" "I understand..." "I've dreamed that you will tell me that and now that you have; I'm confused why I won't automatically say yes. I guess I'm just scared I was just a second option. A choice. I don't want to be hurt either." "I won't hurt you." How are YOU so sure?" "trust me." "I will." That day was 02/20/2014
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