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  • I have this thing, this other me, this illness. It makes me amazing and horrible at the same time.

    I've been bipolar since I can remember, and, throughout the years, I've lived a life of ups and downs, always certain that I was in control. Until the day I realized I have reached rock bottom, almost without noticing that I had been falling.

    I found out that I was never in control, I was just living like a drunk trying to walk through the straight line.

    I sought treatment and, after a lengthy and painful recovery, my doctor proudly told me that I was under control, neutral, not maniac or depressive.

    Great isn't it? Yes! A well-earned victory, but the amazing me and the horrible me were gone! Who stayed? Who am I without that thing that defined me for so long?

    I felt empty and realized I didn't know my true self, the illness had taken over all those years and, without it, I was a stranger.

    I was never normal, I don't know how to be normal, but I've acquired a conscience that doesn't allow me to be crazy anymore.

    I'm walking the straight line now, with my eyes closed, but I'm still figuring out how to live and be happy like that. And yes, I do miss my thing, even if it scares me.

    You can call me conflict. You can call me struggle. But I would love if you called me a fighter who will find her way!
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