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  • One day last week I ate with two friends, also German Expats, who live here. Both are 53 years old and both lost their fathers a year ago. For both that was exactly the time when their menstruation stopped. Father lost, fertility gone…one of the two lost her mother now, nearly exactly a year after her Dad, “And you know what,” she told us,” The same day my mother died my menstruation came back one more time!”
    A day later I ate with an English Jazz singer, who lives here. Besides singing she gives workshops in healing through music.

    “Did you know,” she explained,” that the moment you sing and specially when you sing or make music in harmony with others you immediately produce a lot of the love – hormone Oxytocin?”

    I did not know that, but can easily believe it. With nostalgia I remembered how with my sisters we used to sing canons in the back of the car on long drives or while doing the dishes. It is so long that I have not sung and even longer that I have not sung with others. Today it seems that either you listen to music or you have to be a performer yourself. Normal people do not seem to sing much anymore.
    Later that day I sat with a new patient. A tall, blond, beautiful and extremely sad young woman from Sweden. Sometimes I get lost in therapy, to be honest; I feel it is too much talking, what do I do now? An empty and clueless moment. But I have learnt to not fear these anymore. I let it be and then suddenly hear myself ask or comment or suggest something different and often this works and I really do not feel that this is ME, it just happens.

    That day it also worked. She started feeling, she could finally cry, everything relaxed.

    When she hugged me good – bye, yes, in Mexico therapists and clients hug, it is unimaginable otherwise; a last tear from her cheek came to dance for a tiny moment on the tip of my tongue. I enjoyed the saltiness of it, when she was already out the door.
    Blood and tears and Oxytocin and what not flow through us and obey their own rhythms. The death of someone dear, a song, and a word can change the flow; we cannot control this river of life. It just feels good when we manage to flow with it. Then the river of life dances and this dance is the good vibe we long for, even when our hearts break.

    Art by Kiki
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