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  • I'm a missin'
    Neighbor Deb.

    My sister Virgo...
    Who likes Napoleon Dynamite,
    and movies with Kim Novak,
    and lookin at art work and appreciating it.

    Who was often like minded with
    me, although also very different.

    Things seem much too quiet now.

    Guess I sort of lived vicariously through her.

    My life is way too boring.

    I never see all those interesting
    structures in the city she took
    pictures of.
    I don't get to go to those
    crazy bars and cafes and see and hear jazz musicians.
    Or hear the unique tales of those
    in her gayborhood.

    I am much less vocal about my feelings and appreciate those who can be.

    @@@@@

    I understand leaving cowbird.

    I left once in 2012 and
    came back in 2014.
    Why did I leave? I'll tell you.
    I wanted to write.
    It started out good.
    But then I started to write in reaction to other people
    and their comments.
    Sort of like Facebook or Twitter,
    which I hate.
    I blamed no one but myself - it was my issue.

    We all become very vulnerable.
    Writing is like that -
    because its about life, feelings, thoughts, skeletons in the closet, deferred dreams, fulfilled dreams. We often expose the soft
    underside of our belly,
    like turtles rolled over
    on their shell.
    Hoping in that moment
    we can be safe until we
    roll back over and
    pull inside the shell.

    But I missed writing.
    And the photos.
    I missed it terribly.
    And I thought of cowbird again.
    I came back.
    I told myself I will write
    what I want. Not out of reaction,
    but just out of my heart and mind. I admit that is easier said
    than done.

    I do edit myself, but still trying to
    remain true to that desire -to
    write, not react.

    So, Neighbor Deb -
    if you hear this...
    come back when you're ready, cause you're a good writer,
    and you're interesting,
    and you lead an interesting life, and my life is better by sharing in your adventures.

    Maybe you're having a rough time. Maybe you exposed your soft underbelly too long and now have pulled into your shell.

    But I tell you, it will be alright.

    You were born to write,
    wherever you are.
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