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  • Monthly newspaper, or, online paper

    That newspaper that you hate.

    OCTOBER 2014

    By Cigano

    It’s Halloween here in this issue of The Fake Times! Join me, Cigano, in a horrific thrill ride through this issue which began with a hilariously spooky spoof of the classic-yet-never-old movie Jaws!

    Halloween in my neighborhood is really great. It’s really a dog eat dog-eat-dog world! You’re hardly ever at the top of the food chain! (Mwah, hah.)

    So remember: while you read this issue of The Fake Times, don’t become fish food!

    By Cigano

    CIGANO: Ready for some ghoulish Q and A? Yes? Then let’s welcome our first guest star—star of the upcoming Treehouse of Horror
    episode for the 26’th season of The Simpsons—Homer Simpson!

    HOMER: Hello, creepy guy—d’oh!

    CIGANO: So, Homer, have any special previews for this upcoming Treehouse of Horror episode?

    HOMER: Yes, but the producers won’t let me tell that—d’oh!

    CIGANO: Uh, never mind. How is it being a superstar?

    HOMER: There’s a lot of donuts.

    CIGANO: Yeah, I think you said that to everyone who’s asked you that question.

    BART: Hey, everybody.

    HOMER: Boy, get out of the scene.

    BART: No thanks, Homer.

    CIGANO: (Strangles him.) Why you little…(Looks at the staring audience.) Oh, sorry. That was your part, Homer. Well, I guess that’s the end of this interview. Sorry for strangling you, Bart.

    BART: It’s okay, Man.

    CIGANO: Thank you both for your time. And now we move on to our second guest star…from the famous horror movie A Nightmare on Elm Street—Freddy Kruger!

    FREDDY: Hello, everybody.

    CIGANO: It’s just me.

    FREDDY: Oh. Hello, whatever your name is.

    CIGANO: Hello, Freddy. What’s it like being a national source of terror?

    FREDDY: It’s kind of like being president.

    CIGANO: Okay…that’s a…good comparison. Anyway, do you like it?

    FREDDY: Of course I do, whatever your name is.

    CIGANO: Is it fun?

    FREDDY: Yes. It’s like…a breath of fresh air straight from the tomb.

    CIGANO: Okay. Thank you for your time. And now our final interview for today with the shark from Jaws. So, tell me, what’s it like being a killing, chaos spreading Great White?


    CIGANO: Okay, that’s that. Thank you for your time. And thank you, reader, for reading! See you next issue, in November!

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