Forgot your password?

We just sent you an email, containing instructions for how to reset your password.

Sign in

  • Monthly newspaper, or, online paper

    That newspaper that you hate.

    OCTOBER 2014

    HALLOWEEN IN THE FAKE TIMES!
    By Cigano

    It’s Halloween here in this issue of The Fake Times! Join me, Cigano, in a horrific thrill ride through this issue which began with a hilariously spooky spoof of the classic-yet-never-old movie Jaws!

    Halloween in my neighborhood is really great. It’s really a dog eat dog-eat-dog world! You’re hardly ever at the top of the food chain! (Mwah, hah.)

    So remember: while you read this issue of The Fake Times, don’t become fish food!

    INTERVIEWS OF TERROR
    By Cigano

    CIGANO: Ready for some ghoulish Q and A? Yes? Then let’s welcome our first guest star—star of the upcoming Treehouse of Horror
    episode for the 26’th season of The Simpsons—Homer Simpson!

    HOMER: Hello, creepy guy—d’oh!

    CIGANO: So, Homer, have any special previews for this upcoming Treehouse of Horror episode?

    HOMER: Yes, but the producers won’t let me tell that—d’oh!

    CIGANO: Uh, never mind. How is it being a superstar?

    HOMER: There’s a lot of donuts.

    CIGANO: Yeah, I think you said that to everyone who’s asked you that question.

    BART: Hey, everybody.

    HOMER: Boy, get out of the scene.

    BART: No thanks, Homer.

    CIGANO: (Strangles him.) Why you little…(Looks at the staring audience.) Oh, sorry. That was your part, Homer. Well, I guess that’s the end of this interview. Sorry for strangling you, Bart.

    BART: It’s okay, Man.

    CIGANO: Thank you both for your time. And now we move on to our second guest star…from the famous horror movie A Nightmare on Elm Street—Freddy Kruger!

    FREDDY: Hello, everybody.

    CIGANO: It’s just me.

    FREDDY: Oh. Hello, whatever your name is.

    CIGANO: Hello, Freddy. What’s it like being a national source of terror?

    FREDDY: It’s kind of like being president.

    CIGANO: Okay…that’s a…good comparison. Anyway, do you like it?

    FREDDY: Of course I do, whatever your name is.

    CIGANO: Is it fun?

    FREDDY: Yes. It’s like…a breath of fresh air straight from the tomb.

    CIGANO: Okay. Thank you for your time. And now our final interview for today with the shark from Jaws. So, tell me, what’s it like being a killing, chaos spreading Great White?

    SHARK: SNAP! SNAP!

    CIGANO: Okay, that’s that. Thank you for your time. And thank you, reader, for reading! See you next issue, in November!

    NEXT ISSUE: NOVEMBER 2014
    • Share

    Connected stories:

About

Collections let you gather your favorite stories into shareable groups.

To collect stories, please become a Citizen.

    Copy and paste this embed code into your web page:

    px wide
    px tall
    Send this story to a friend:
    Would you like to send another?

      To retell stories, please .

        Sprouting stories lets you respond with a story of your own — like telling stories ’round a campfire.

        To sprout stories, please .

            Better browser, please.

            To view Cowbird, please use the latest version of Chrome, Safari, Firefox, Opera, or Internet Explorer.