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  • I tried to leave the hotel industry numerous times before. It is after all, the worst paying industry.

    However, the insatiable need to be in the centre of a near disaster seems to be the enticer. It's like a tattoo. Once you experience the pain of one....you want another and another. The pain is almost pleasurable.

    My very first job was, well, in a hotel. I stood on my feet for 12 hours. It was an old fashioned desk and I had to answer a busy switchboard, check in guests and carry out a key check as the keys were the standard, brass keys. I knew this was the place for me when a dead guy showed up on the 6th floor....

    Fire gutted the room and burnt out all the electricals along that room type right down to the ground. It had been raging intensely before it was discovered. I sat with my colleagues and we somehow managed to track his family down with an almost illegible address. We handed this over to the police.

    I was also pregnant at that time and one of the guests had a fetish for pregnant women and never stopped asking me out! Another guest was rather elderly, completely covered in sores and lesions and had "visitors" every day.

    People go to cafés to people watch.

    I would go to a hotel lobby.

    You see it all there.

    You see who cheats on who, who looks suspicious; you learn who may leave with the duvet and television in the morning.

    I've also seen amazing people. I've seen legends. Some are crazy ass divas.

    One would only stay if she brought her own Egyptian cotton sheets.

    One had a staircase built by the carpenter in the engineering department.....for her dog to climb onto the bed. Only guide dogs supposedly are allowed but if the money is good and the diva brings attention to the hotel, consider it done.

    One wanted his sandwiches cut so that it was a specific number of centimetres in length and breadth.

    One wanted the room painted black.

    One left specific instructions that staff are not to make eye contact when he was talking to them?

    One wanted the windows boarded up.

    One showed up naked in the lobby.

    One showed up naked in the lift.

    One showed up naked in the restaurant.

    One tried to check in naked.

    One showed up with a chainsaw in the back seat of his rolls royce.

    One wanted a rebate for the hurricane outside......

    This story has only just begun.

    **Please note that this is no reflection of any one particular hotel and are my memories and views only**
  • "Anne. Mrs Titsup wants someone to come to her room."

    "What is it now?" Mrs Titsup was one of the most demanding women on the planet. What many of the managers failed to catch on is that the woman suffered from some sort of short term memory loss. I learnt to use this to my advantage later on but the initial days were charming.

    "The message light won't come off of her phone."

    "She's not the only one. There seems to be a problem with the message light on the system itself. Tell her we'll reset it from down here." I instructed.

    "Already did that. She wants to see YOU. She insists it's the actual phone."

    "Fine. I'll go see her. I'll take the newbie with me and show her the ropes."

    And so, I telephoned Mrs Titsup, "Mrs Titsup, it's Anne. You requested that I come up to have a look at your phone. When is a good time for me to do so?"

    "Oh hello, Anne. Please do come now. Now's a good time."

    I took the new girl with me straight to the lift, ascended, walked along the corridor and rang the doorbell.

    ....no answer.

    I ring the bell again.

    ....no answer.

    I called Mrs Titsup from my dect phone and she answered.

    "Mrs Titsup, it's Anne. Are you still ok for me to see about your telephone now?"

    "YES! I TOLD YOU YES BEFORE!" She shouted.

    "I'm just outside your room ma'am. Please open the door."

    There is no audible movement and I ring the doorbell again.

    Mrs Titsup opens the door and looks at me like a piece of shit, "Yes? What do you want?"

    "I'm Anne."

    "What do you want?"

    "I'm here to fix your phone?"

    "I never called anyone."

    Right.
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