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  • I've always been a sucker for drummers.

    When I was 16, I was in a band. I sang, R played bass, J played guitar, and S, oh S, played drums.

    S and I were friends, for some time, but it wasn't long before we became a couple. I was overjoyed. I was intensely attracted to him, and fell very hard, very fast.

    For a time, it was bliss. We both seemed to feel the same way.

    Then distance crept in. Aloofness. The classic, cowardly ways that teenage boys try to get you to break up with them first, so they don't have to break up with you.

    I didn't take a hint.

    So one morning before school started, S took me for a walk to the ovals at the back of the school. I suspected his motives but hoped against hope, in the way that only a lovesick 16 year old girl can, that he was not going to break up with me.

    It was a fairly straightforward dumping. But his final words were piercing, cruel, unnecessary: "I'm not attracted to you anymore".

    I'd had boyfriends before this but this was my First Official Heartbreak. It's a kind of unparalleled hurt/devastation/rejection, that very first time.

    For some time, this experience really affected me. I had a crappy rebound boyfriend to try to get over it. I left the band. I hung out with a different group of friends at school. And eventually, I moved on.

    Then, 4 years later, S and I had sort of remained friends, and still saw each other from time to time, at parties. I was at uni, had turned 20, my life was very, very different. I'd been with other guys but somewhere deep down, that teenage heartache was still unhealed.

    S and I seemed to be gravitating towards each other again, finding some kind of comfort in the familiarity, the idyllic past. I wonder whether, subconsciously, I was trying to heal that hurt by patching up it with S & Kate, Version 2.0.

    It was nice for a while. S was a great kisser! And even though we parted on my terms this time, it didn't have the magical effect of erasing that first hurt. I'm not sure anything can.

    That first heartbreak gave me so much. Experience. Pain. That all-important lesson of knowing when He's Just Not That Into You. I'm not sure I would erase it now, if I could.

    And I'm still a sucker for drummers.
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