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  • What does sleeping even mean to me at this point? It's not like I have time for anything at all anymore...

    I always looked forward to being in High School. The thrill of dating. The academic challenges. Going to the movies with friends and staying out until early morning. I never expected how fucked my life would get once I walked into those doors.

    The stress of homework. The helplessness to support even a B in every one of my classes. Any hope for extra-curricular activities went out the window. I lost sight of who I was. Every night I just lied in my bed staring at the fan, crying to myself as a downpour of every cruddy memory of my miserable existence danced through my extremely vulnerable head. The worst part of it all is that I thrive on negative attention.

    I surround myself with the things that break me down. I do the things that kill me. I look for every opportunity to argue and get my heart broken. I'm surprised anyone actually wants to date me at all. I'm a sarcastic dick and everyone knows it. I can't shut up. The last thing I need is the love and attention from someone I will inevitably disappoint. So why can't I help falling in love with the ones I know I'll never deserve?

    Dammit. It's 1. I have to wake up in 4 and a half hours. I have too many responsibilities and a complete lack of duty to any of them. I try to be loyal. Try to show people I have it all together. But in the end, I'm still just a kid, completely unprepared for the adult situations I constantly find myself in. Not mature enough for the big bad wolf known as life.

    It's been an hour. My eyelids are finally starting to get heavy. I force myself to focus on the here and now. All the shit of the past is done. Life is good. My grades are fine. My girlfriend is amazing. Just focus on that smile. Her amazing smile. And next thing I know my alarm is blaring. Did I sleep at all? I don't even know. It's time for the cycle to begin anew....
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