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  • I tell myself - and it is true - that I write for myself here, mostly, at least. I write, because writing down the stories that happen in my daily life, I work through my own life again, grow concious of this or that, which otherwise might have escaped me forever.

    I also like the LIKES! I used to be quite content with 20, sometims 25, at times 30 or few times even more. I did notice that in the first months on Cowbird it was easier to get LIKES, suddenly they went down and interpreted this as too many people writing what too many people cannot possibly read anymore. I sometimes got overwhelmed myself with incoming stories. I noticed that many in my audience stopped writing altogether, I am in more than 500 audiences and maybe receive 10 - 15 stories aday, less than 10% of the audience. Few keep writing continually from the beginning up to today.

    I enjoy the stories, comments and messages. I get inspired to observe my life in this or that new way, look at it from new viewpoints. I feel warmth and understanding and friendship....

    BUT: now with the new version of Cowbird after each story I choose to read come suggestions of other stories with the same keywords and I cannot avoid to notice that there are stories, and many, that can show 50 LIKES or even 70, more than 100 or 200 or even 800.... and you know what, to be honest I cannot NOT compare my stories. Was I happy before with 20 or 30 LIKES, now I have become greedy, the LIKES are not ENOUGH anymore, my selfesteem resembles a huge colorful balloon, which has been pinched by a needle and is just some rubbertrash that a bird being bored sitting on the back of a cow might consider to gulp down! And with that my motivation has taken to sickbed also!

    I know, it is all my fault. I should not compare the LIKES I receive to the amount others receive. But, damn it, there is this part of me that I hate myself, which does exactly that. And while it was all enough and I was happy before, I now wonder about HOW mediocre my little stories are and if this whole thing, effort, work - in my case - nearly every day since 2 years and two months and two weeks - is worthwhile the energy I put into it.......

    Stories are written, read, liked, commented within mostly 2 days and then forgotten, just like postings on Facebook, TIME FLIES and everything flies away with it in NO TIME! Hardly ever anybody reads or rereads an older story. In this way Cowbird resembles a greedy monster... no, I know: I AM THE GREEDY MONSTER!

    Well, you can see, I am in my first Cowbird - Crisis!

    WHY do these stories with so many LIKES have to appear after every story I read? It makes me feel the lousiest of lousy!

    Maybe I just need to work more on my greed and vanity....


    Art by Kiki

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