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  • I don't love him. I don't believe in love. Not yet.

    Not in a nihilistic way. I just don't think I'm capable of that kind of love. Not quite yet.

    I love my mom. I love her so much. I always have to tell her that before I go to bed each night, or else I lie awake worrying that I'll get up in the morning to find that something terrible has happened to her and that I never got to tell her I loved her.

    I love my friends. I tell them that in passing, like it's a joke, but I really do love them.

    I love my cat. Hell, I love my African Dwarf frogs. I fully love them, and I tell them that. I figure that on some level they can feel that I love them, even if it's only in the very depths of their little froggy souls.

    But I don't tell him that. It's been seven months, and not once have I told him I loved him.

    It's always, "I care about you".

    I think it's because I haven't lived enough yet to love someone in that way.

    But maybe it's because someday it will end, and I don't ever want to lose something that I love.

    Maybe it's because I have a limited number of "I love yous", and I don't want to waste them and run out early.

    Then why am I telling my frogs that I love them?

    I don't know.

    Perhaps I haven't lived enough yet to not be falling in love.

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