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  • When I was young, my father struggled with depression. When he was depressed, he also tended to get angry easily. My mother taught us to be quiet, be good, stay out of sight, become invisible.

  • Later, I married men who had similar characteristics. Men who were moody and angry. I always felt as if I were walking on eggs. I never knew when the other shoe would fall.

  • Finally, I am free of all that. I don't have to walk on eggs any more. But it is hard to teach myself to walk with confidence.

  • Illustration: brand new painting today, by me, acrylics and pencil.


    1)This is the first of two stories on this topic. I will use the same illustration.

    2)For anyone following, I did send my fellowship application in late last night. I'm still tired and catching up. I am not wanting to see another poem for a while. I'm burnt out. Someone told me I should tell people I'm applying for a fellowship because then if I don't get it, I will go down in their eyes. So many people are applying. Are all but the winners diminished by this?

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