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  • This is a story

    About sugar addiction

    Except this ain't no fable

    It's completely non-fiction

    Because every day

    About ten in the morn

    My body gets tired

    And I let out a yawn

    I start to get hungry

    And my mouth starts to slaver

    I start to get worked up

    All into a lather

    Cos toast just won't do

    Nor porridge, I'd rather

    Have something much sweeter

    A sugary treat

    I should really resist

    But it's so good to eat

    And I know self-restraint

    Will soon taste defeat.

    So I wander on down

    To the vending machine

    Walking six flights of stairs

    (Hoping that will then mean

    That I'll wear off the calories

    From this belly obscene)

    Til I get to the vendor

    And all manner of treasure

    Lies there for the taking

    For the customer's pleasure.

    I then have to choose

    Which delight to purchase

    With which heavenly goodness

    To soon stuff my face

    Should I choose chocolate

    Or something with toffee

    Or those small little spheres

    That sometimes contain coffee

    Or something quite chewy

    Or something quite hard

    Or something as bad for me

    As a big brick o' lard

    Or maybe a lozenge

    Cos ingesting takes ages

    Or a gelatinous egg

    To consume in three stages

    Or something quite crumbly

    To melt in my mouth

    Or faux-fruity flavours

    In the shape of a mouse

    Or a bike or a car

    Or a dog or a house.

    So I maketh my choice

    Prithee let me be sated,

    My heart starts to race,

    My pulse, elevated,

    As I watch the coils turn

    For my treat thus is fated

    To dissolve in my guts

    For a momentary joy

    But what's this, the spring's stuck,

    Oh what maddening ploy!

    Then I shake the thing loose

    Thank the stars for this Bounty

    The most fortunate man

    In all of the county

    And I unwrap it right there

    Cos I've craven it so

    And I savour the taste

    Let the sweet flavour flow.

    And for this transient instant

    I am chemically high

    I indulge in the sin

    Of my sweet alibi

    And let out a long

    Most exultant sigh

    But this time soon is up

    And my high becomes low

    And I remember Mum's lesson

    'Sweets are bad, don't you know?'

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