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  • "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

    I am a woman in love, Father. A deep passionate, unlimited love. Do you know how poets and writers use to describe love? Well, I am not as fortunate. I cannot put what I feel into words...

    There is not a moment in the day I don't think of him.And my love is so strong I sometimes wonder how a small creature like me can bear such a huge and so powerful feeling. It's like a giant hidden into a narrow cave...He is part of me, Father. More than once have I been brought to think that we are two souls in one single entity...Yes, you are right. Only God knows those things, I have no right to talk about them. After all, I am human and a sinner. Love is not to blame, Father. Love is a pure, beautiful feeling.It is supposed to be like "a kiss of the angels to the stars" -so as a poet said. And did our Lord Jesus Christ not give his life for love? Oh, yes, Father, you are

    right. I cannot pronounce His holy name to justify my sins. Please forgive me- I did not mean to be arrogant. All I wanted to say is that love is not to blame for my bad actions. It's jealousy that caused me to do what I did. It enters my heart like a sudden, violent storm and I cannot fight it. Envy is like a demon coming from Hell into my mind to torture me. However when jealousy is caused by love, you sometimes remember that, however rebellious, demons were angels too....

    Oh, Father, please forgive me! You are so right in reprimanding me; I am not supposed to mention demons in this holy place. Good, I will not try to give an absolution to myself-you are doing this...Yes, yes, GOD is doing this. Well, so my jealousy brought me to see a witch.The witch taught me how to provoke nightmares in people and I was good at this. It worked fine. You do guess why I needed this, don't you? I bewitched the women involved with him...He is so handsome, Father- well, I mean...Women like him, they are always around him like flies around honey.I always pretend to like them, I am all smiles and sweetness with them.But deep inside me, I HATE them. Were it not for my principles I would kill them without one moment of hesitation.Oh, please do not get upset; I did nothing of the sort.I just incited nightmares in them- in all of them.

    So this lovely blond girl he saw one year back had dreams about terrifying ghosts every night until he was tired to hear her complain and left her. Another one saw a mirror where was reflected an eerie room and every time she looked at her image, she had a different, fearsome and ghastly shape. One of them dreamed every night of a horrible joker who thought of murder and all sorts of dark things. Waking up she was convinced that she was the joker. One had erotic dreams with demons. She was so upset by them that she abandoned him. I was so happy to see her cry and beg him to take her back...Of course he refused. One of them saw herself as a whore in her dreams. She was mad with guilt and sorrow. I did a good job with nightmares...

    I don't know if they left him because of the nightmares I incited in them or because of his contempt toward them.Probably both. I do not feel guilty about my feelings, I don't even condemn my jealousy.I am just sorry about the nightmares I caused in those girls.But those nightmares...

    Those nightmares were NOTHING as compared to what I am going through.For them, all was over when they woke up.For me, waking up from my dreams where I could kiss him, take him in my arms, make love to him - waking up was a nightmare. Those things are forbidden to us. If we could do them, would I be wasting time on creating nightmares? And he would not even bother to look at one of those women- they are nothing to him.But he is a man, he needs... you know, physical contact. He thinks of me when he makes love to them, I know this.

    We are everything to each other, we love each other deeply and passionately.And- I swear this, Father, - I don't care about power, but he is an empire where I want to be the sole sovereign; I am his slave and he is my only master. If God in his infinite kindness and wisdom made us love each other so much, he certainly had good reasons for doing this---Oh, I did not mean to be blasphemous, Father! However, we love each other and this will never be otherwise, never mind if people would take us for demons or monsters. Oh, yes, they would. They would not care for our suffering, they only think that such feelings are forbidden -we are brother and sister. Yes, the love of my life is my brother...

    Father! Father - are you still there?

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