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  • I want to put every spice in the world under your pillow at night

    to preserve you and your heart

    I want to bury my nose in your armpit and inhale as deeply as I can

    over and over, to remember the smell

    and then be reminded of you when I use cumin

    in everything

    I want to lay my chest on yours

    and hear you say

    hear you say that

    that you, you


    love me

    (I’ll even take what I can get)

    I can’t believe you made donuts with me

    and rushed around unpleasantly to ship them all over tarnation

    before the post office, your favorite dinosaur, closed for the day

    do you even know how long it takes to make donuts?

    of course you do. you made them with me.

    I want to hear you talk about books. forever.

    forever would be good.

    why wasn’t forever good for you?

    what was not precious enough to not be alone for?

    mostly, I want to know

    where the little bag I planned to deposit on your step

    with your considered letter in it


    so I can remember which Jeanette Winterson quote

    about knowing the self

    not to believe

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