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  • I remember how I felt as my 25th birthday was approaching. I started out thinking it was very cool that I was going to be a quarter of a century on this earth. Soon, that thought devolved into “My God, I’m a quarter of a century old!”, as I found myself looking around at my life, and questioning what I’d done with that quarter of a century, looking in the mirror and seeing a face that was growing older. By the time my birthday actually rolled around, I was feeling very old, indeed. Old, and unaccomplished. Feeling like I’d let too much time slip by, like my life was passing me by, and I was somehow missing it. Yes, even then, I had a brain that never quit thinking. I could think myself right down the rabbit hole, but had a lot more trouble thinking my way out of that hole!

    Fortunately, between then and now, I’ve learned how powerful our thoughts truly are, and how we have a level of control and choice about what we think about, and how those thoughts we choose to focus on, become who we choose to be. Like then, my mind is always thinking about something. You might say it has a mind of its own! It has been thinking about a lot of different things lately. One of the main reasons that I write is, this helps me to sort out all those thoughts, and to make the choices about which ones I will focus on, today. This is just what works for me.

    Today, I am thinking about connections. How we connect with others. How we make choices about those connections. What things influence those connections. Things like trust. Discernment. The desire to have connections who really know who you are, and who, with that knowledge, are about supporting you to be your genuine, authentic self. Filters. Taking in new information about those connections, new information that helps you determine whether a connection is one you want and need in your life, or if it is one that is time to let go of. These are the kinds of choices we make every day. This is how we keep things in our lives manageable, prioritizing what’s important today, and what no longer is.

  • It’s a process. Sometimes, you get lost in the process, and have difficulty figuring out what’s real, and what’s clouded by your reaction to circumstances, or what’s influenced by some line of shit you accepted from someone, that really didn’t align with your own truth. Because, in the end, you have to follow your own truth, not somebody else’s version of the truth.

    These are points in the process that I brace myself, as best I can, to wade through, hoping that, sooner or later, the truth will eventually emerge, be revealed, and some sort of choice or decision can be made, in good faith, about which way to go forward. I’m never comfortable when I am in that waiting, wading mode. But, once it is revealed, once the necessary data comes through, that tips the scales one way or the other, there is a great sense of relief, and then I know which way to go. I get to make the choice, be decisive, and then I do, and I move on. The clarity of those moments is both exhilarating, and frightening, because you know, once the decision is made, you will never be the same. You will move into who you are, today, leaving the past behind. For me, I try to ride the exhilaration of the decision, and let the fear fall by the way. I don’t have time for it. I don’t like to let life pass me by, these days. I have too much living left to do, and only about 40 more years to live it. There’s not a moment to waste.

    I’m really looking forward to 60. I might now be on the downhill side of life, but I’m taking a long, leaping run, jumping on that sled, and flying down that hill, letting the cool breeze blow my graying hair back, letting it hit me full on in the face, and screaming my ass off all the way down that hill. Wheeeeeeee!!!!!!

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